Craig Gross

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I lead a Non-Profit. I get to travel, speak and write about some of things we do. I have a daughter who loves to dance and a son who acts and wants to win an Oscar. My wife just wants me to turn off my cell phone and computer. I love telemarketers because I used to be one. Check out my new project at www.iParent.TV

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How Do I Get My Book Published?

I got on the phone today with my buddy David Dean and he said, how did you get out book Touchy Subjects out there. I explained to him a few things and then thought I would just share them with you if you are interested. I think when I told David I was just going to publish it ourselves he was bummed and didn’t understand how cool this could be.

I get asked all the time how do you get a book published?

Typical Publisher: 

  • Come up with great idea.
  • Spend 20 bucks and buy this - http://michaelhyatt.com/writing-a-winning-book-proposal
  • Submit your book proposal to a literary agent you can find online or through a friend.
  • Your agent pitches to a publisher.
  • Publisher says yes or no.
  • If yes, you start writing and about 15 months later a book comes out.
  • You sometimes get an advance 
  • You make on average about 10% of the net of book sales
  • Most books don’t sell 5k copies and a few books do
  • The end.

You As The Publisher:

  • Come up with great idea
  • Start writing
  • Finish writing
  • Hire an editor - Here’s one -  Adam Palmer
  • Design a cover and back cover.
  • Upload your book as a word document to Kindle store.
  • Upload your book as a word document to Smashwords 
  • If you want a printed book upload your book to createspace
  • Register some url for a website here 
  • Pay Godaddy $1 a month for a customized template website
  • Start selling your book the following day. YES I said the following day.
  • Total out of pocket expense - not much
  • Send your finished book to a publisher and see if they are interested now and then go from there or keep selling on your own.

So, David Dean and I started writing Touchy Subjects years ago. We got interest from different publishers but in the end they said it was a small market. The thing that drove me to make this book happen was when I searched on Amazon the #1 book on talking to your kids about sex was from 1998. We needed something current.

We bought the name www.touchysubjects.net

I took the picture of my daughter for the cover.

We wanted to sell on paperback and digital and createspace is owned by Amazon so that is easy. We can purchase books from them directly for $3.25 whether we buy one or buy one thousand. 

We wanted this book out now, I didn’t know how fast this would be but once I submitted the files yesterday, the links were all active by last night.

I have amazon prime and ordered a book which is on demand printing and it somehow is set to arrive to my doorstep tomorrow.  If you have something to say and you are passionate about getting it out there, put it out yourself and see if others share in that same passion.

In the meantime, go buy our book.

***A bit more of an explanation. Createspace gets your book in the amazon store for you. Smashwords gets your book in all other digital markets except Kindle and other places online like the iBooks store. These will make more sense as you start the process. 

For some reason, we live in a world where it seems like the stereotype for married people and sex is that men need it and women don’t want to cough it up. I don’t know how that happened, but in my marriage, sex is a two-way street. It takes both of you to make it work and it is mutually beneficial for both parities.

I hear women hold sex over a lot of men’s head and I just laugh. Just because women aren’t as visual as men doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex as much as men.

Sex is a gift to be enjoyed. The Bible pretty much says that married folks should be having sex and lots of it. (No, really it says that the only time to refrain from sex is for a period of time for fasting and praying and that is only for a period of time, otherwise the devil will use that to keep you apart.)

The reality? Out of everyone I know, the married people have the suckiest sex lives. Why are the single people having all the good sex? Doesn’t that go against what the Bible says?

The reason: Sex takes work. Sex is complicated. Sex takes both of you (Tweet This!).

Most men can get over things pretty quickly. If Jeanette and I fight, I can get over it and make up in minutes and be totally fine to have sex that night. Women aren’t so quick. Their emotions are involved and they tend to put up some more walls then most men. If those walls stay up, then guys, there is no way it’s happening tonight.

So, Let’s answer this question: Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me?

Here are a few reasons I’ve seen. I don’t know your spouse and your situation, but if I had to guess, it’s one or two of the following things.

1. She’s had a bad experience with sex in the past that she’s never worked through. This could be how she lost her virginity. This could be a situation involving abuse or rape at a younger age. She thought marriage would solve this, but these issues have never been addressed thoroughly and have caused her to just not be interested. My gut is that if you could help her process some of these things or encourage some counseling, then that could be a great start to help her find the healing she needs.

2. She feels guilty. I was taught growing up that sex was bad. We couldn’t do it and it was off limits. Then one day at 22 I got married and it went from a lifelong RED light to a GREEN light in one day. That’s a tough mental switch to make, and a lot of women still feel that sex is dirty and a bad thing not understanding it is a gift from God. Talk through this stuff. Talk about sex being a great thing. Something to celebrate.

3. She doesn’t enjoy it. Sorry guys… Let’s just be honest. I’m not saying you have a small penis. Most women don’t care about the size. Its more than that. We live in a world where sex with your self (masturbation) has become the norm, and most men bring this into their marriage.Masturbation has taught you one thing: how you like it. It leaves something out: her (Tweet This!)

You get off in your favorite position and think sex is all about what you like. If you approach sex like that? Guess what: she won’t enjoy it. She wants you on top not just behind her all the time. I met a guy whose wife hadn’t had an orgasm in 10 years of having sex. That’s a problem! My suggestion was to communicate. Listen to her. Let her be involved in what she likes, how she likes it, and let her reach orgasm. Don’t believe the lie that says women don’t need to have an orgasm every time. Really work to achieve this together and if not at the same time make sure both of you have the option. (Oh, and one last bit of advice: quit trying to stick it in her butt.) -Tweet This!

4. You only touch her when you want sex. I am not going to bore you with the crock pot vs. the microwave analogy, because I think you’ve probably already heard that. Women need to be touched, kissed, and hugged all the time, not just when you want action. This will go far. Trust me.

5. She’s too tired. My wife loves to have sex and I think we have a great sex life. I am going to recommend trying to have sex every other day. I have been married 15 years and that is an expectation and goal we both have set. I love 9pm-1am. They’re my best, most productive hours of the day because no one is awake in my house and my phone or email are not getting blown up. My wife is done after about 9pm. So, we put our kids down early so we make sure we have time to connect but I know even though she would like to have sex, if we get too late into the evening, it’s not going to happen. Guys, you might have to get on her schedule.

6. Her walls are up. These are the walls I talked about earlier. Some of them might not have anything to do with you, but some of them sure do. Guys, we’re stupid. We have no clue that something we said this morning pissed off our wives and they are still upset, or how you’ve been treating her all week or all month or your whole marriage has forced her to build up walls between you. Pay attention to her. Look for signals and ask. Don’t avoid conflict because it is tough. Run towards resolution and get in the sack. The devil is laughing when us married folks sleep in separate beds.

7. She’s insecure about her body. We live in a world of porn, swimsuit issues, and Victoria’s secret. Most women know they can’t compete with the images of the women we have in our visual hard drive. Have you told her you loved her? Have you told her she is beautiful? Have you told her she is sexy and you still get excited when she steps out of the shower naked? Show her, tell her, and keep the lights on once in a while during sex so you can remind her that you love looking at her.

8.  You don’t initiate it. Call me old school, but the Bible says it’s a husband’s responsibility to lead their wives, and this area is no different. It’s worth it. Stop playing games and seeing how many times you initiate sex compared to how many times she does or doesn’t. You start looking at porn to get what you need and then your sex life is non-existent. If you’re not having sex, then you’re probably masturbating and looking at porn and she probably knows it. Just so you know, the longer men go without sex, the more they desire it, and the longer women go without sex, the more they don’t need it. So you see the problem there. That is getting you nowhere. You lead. You initiate. And when she does initiate, never turn her down.

Okay, that’s all I have right now. There might be more, but my plane is landing and I have to turn off my computer. If you and you wife aren’t having sex and nothing on this list resonates with you, then talk together about what’s going on. Don’t be afraid of that conversation. Don’t avoid it either.

Now get in bed.

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